A Heart Beats On…

I still love someone. And it eats me up, day by day. Just when you think you’ve moved on, you think you’re okay with being single and alone, you run into the same person from the past all over again.

You end up seeing all the things about them that made you fall so hard the first time.

It may be subtle. It may be your imagination. But you could’ve sworn, tonight you saw something so real, in a connection that was obviously present. Maybe a hug that lingers on a few seconds too long. Or your eyes meet, and you stare at each other for a few moments before one of you says “What?”. Maybe it’s the endless text messages that go back and forth over time, about how you both regret the breakup, and wish things were different.

Regardless, you feel that something is there.

And you’re scared. You don’t know what to do. You just want to express how much you love them, how you want to make this time different, and better than it ever was before.

Then you look at your means. You don’t have a car. You work a minimum-wage job. You still live with your parents, and their infant child for that matter.

What do you do? Your heart is overflowing with feelings and sensations, and you just want to tell them how much they matter to you. The feeling is so intense that it hurts, and you feel like you have to tell them sometime soon.

I’m so lost in this. I just want to tell her, and make things right. I’m terrified that things won’t work, though.

Sean is a guy from the middle of nowhere in Illinois who passionately supports Free Software, Free Culture, and decentralized communication systems. He serves as the editor of We Distribute, a publication dedicated to the development of the fediverse. In his spare time, Sean is a budding indie game dev, writer, web developer, and a musician.

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