Also, that sombrero you’re wearing isn’t real.
You’ve experiencing it again, aren’t you? All the time, and more frequently, you have been experiencing full-blown hallucinations. They start out innocently enough; the realistic sound going on in your head may sound like a commercial you heard earlier on the radio. Some of the furniture will move around, and posters come to life with enthusiasm. After a while, though, it may feel as if there are several different narratives going on in your head all jockeying for your attention, and you get caught up in imaginary situations that feel all too real.
Do you feel that tipping point, where you can look down into the levels of basic primal human instinct and see how easy it might be to fall all the way down there? Sometimes peering into it too much can tell you appalling things about the human soul. The barrier between being an all-loving human being and being a raving, violent zombie is not that wide.
Are there things layered on top of things layered on top of things being projected into your eyes in such a way that you can’t fully comprehend or even observe them? How fast are they going?
Thoughts, feelings, and emotions feel mixed up. Things that don’t ordinarily make sense makes sense, but you still struggle to find philosophical or empirical sense at all in the way things are at the moment, so fuck it.
All you know is piggy snap who wouldn’t go back, blarff blarff. Usu puunu wu wu doo-doo fuck you.
Who could argue against such perfect logic? Aristotle himself couldn’t have said it better, in the sense that he couldn’t have conceived of such a word salad philosophy because everyone was too busy trying to figure out what it meant to be abstract back then. The poor guy was on training wheels, and you are in even worse condition.
It didn’t hit you all at once, rather, it got gradually worse as time went on. You kept denying yourself the option to seek help because you weren’t sure of the extent in which you needed it. Now you’re paranoid about who might be hiding around the other frame of a door. Your fear of imaginary things has just as much meaning as your fear of real things. Even your most abstract and meaninglessly ineffable sensations have some kind of meaning.
There’s a monster in the back of your mind, a blue man. For some reason, he gives you the willies. He is the embodiment of everything horrifying, and he holds power over you because you let him. He can sense everything about you, and use that against you with misdirection. What’s worse, this creature is made out of everything you hate about everything you hate, including all those worst bits of yourself.
He has his ways of controlling you. Sometimes, he’ll make you stutter just to get you to shut up. Other times, he’ll wipe your mind mid-sentence. You’re pretty sure he controls people in world governments somehow. He especially dislikes anything that you like, and wailing voices of doubt will correct incompatible behavior patterns over time.
The Blue Man has other Blue Men working in an active organization to undermine every aspect of your life. Your relationships will deteriorate. You will struggle to get a single task finished. Your mind will slow to a crawl and you will desire only to lay somewhere and stare blankly at the wall without thinking, moving, or doing anything. It definitely sounds appealing, trust me, I get it. I’ve been around the block a few times myself.
I’m here to tell you something, if you’ll listen. You don’t have to do anything for a moment. Things don’t have to be this way. You’ve been dreading this for a while, although you weren’t fully aware of it. I’m not sure how to tell you this, being a narrator and all, but you’re absolutely batshit crazy.
You need to tell him no. Not anymore, not today, not ever! He has bound you long enough, but he is immaterial and you have the power within yourself to stop him once and for all. Every one of his plans will backfire, his organization will go down in flames, and he will be publicly embarrassed at being asked an awkward question on The View.
When power runs rampant and gets out of control, it is imperative that the people revolt. Just as society needs to keep institutions of power in check, so should too should you keep yourself in check.
All you have to do is keep telling him no.
He is a dictator who rules by fear; without it, he loses power. Repetition is necessary to keep him in check. No matter how horrible the experience gets, no matter how awful it seems, keep resisting. The more you fight, the less you become him.
Without his power, The Blue Man is nothing. He cannot hurt you; all he can do is use painful thoughts and sad memories to make you hurt yourself. Tell him that you won’t stand for it anymore, you need your goddamned dignity back!
Fight back, make peace, and live. Life is beautiful. You have every right to experience how beautiful it can really be.